Archive for December, 2002
our christmas tree fell over last night. twice. the damn thing is big enough that it scrapes the ceiling – yet somehow either it fell over on its own – or the cat helped it – all around 2am. ugh. we both heard a crash, so i went to investigate. n helped me prop the tree back up, i tightened the screws again, and went to refill the water. as i was under the tree refilling the water – you guessed it – the tree came crashing down again. grrararrarrrr. miraculously nothing broke – including me, buried under eight glorious feet of white pine – so we’re going to redecorate and rearrange tonight. i think i should probably rewater the tree – but if it comes down on me again, i swear i’m going to kick that shit to the curb. we’ll see.
December 20th, 2002
had a “working lunch” today during which dan and i plotted to eat bread and not go back to work because we were in theory with our bosses. my creamer was “mini-moo” brand. and then we came back to work and the computers were down and i stared at my wall for a couple of hours.
tonight i made “my old man’s superb chicken” from the new naked chef cookbook and it was DIVINE. the wine sauce could’ve reduced a bit more – but oh, it was wonderful.
December 19th, 2002
nothing much to report today. i finished the tale of the rose last night in the bath – it was quite lovely. i really felt for consuelo de saint-exupery – her husband was constantly leaving her and then coming back and reclaiming her heart at the most inopportune times. his words for her were so beautiful – i wish i was proficient enough to read that book and the little prince in the original language. wow.
mmm mmm mmm. have i mentioned how hot hot josh is? i trained him today on mps and mmmmmmm. not the brightest bulb but he makes up for it with his radiant hotness. when he first started katye swore he radiated a holy light.
she called in sick today – not surprised after last night’s drunk-dialling. poor thing. at least i’m not the only one who has had to do that.
a funny moment: mary emailed me today to tell me that i can get pine nuts at the 320 store. i thought to myself “oh my god, how does mary know that i’m looking for pine nuts??!?!?!” and then “oh.” duh.
born. eat. shag. die. make your year in 20 words or less.
December 18th, 2002
my house is a freaking mess. that’s the bad part about leaving for the weekend – i come home and my house is shit. at least i didn’t have to make dinner – n has cooked the last three nights. good husband. i did have to go to the laudromat, but i really don’t mind that. it just sucks that i have to go do ANOTHER thing after work instead of coming home.
the weather was really lovely today – sunny and warmer than it’s been recently – the snow and ice were melting, which is good by me. i emerged from the basement into the light of mid-afternoon and didn’t want to go back down.
my stockings have a big hole in the heel. damned cheap stockings.
letters to write, books to read, a tub to soak in….
today’s list: things i miss about the old apartment
- consistent hot water
- doors that can lock without a key
- linoleum in the kitchen
- a pantry with a window
- the deep wonderful clawfoot tub
- being able to check the mail without really going outside
- shelves above my sink
- temperature control
- bedroom doors that latch
- memories of her wherever i look
December 10th, 2002
new quotes. new clicks. new words. not really lotsa new stuff but lotsa stuff floating around my head. i got my journal finally – no. 998 – rachel fedexed it to me at eva’s. i opened it with a great deal of wonder – and spent the greater part of the weekend – when i could stop glowing for a minute – thinking about it. i’ve got some good ideas, i think. jen loaned me her colored pencils and a glue stick. dan loaned me his head collection. we’re off and running!
i woke up this morning smelling her – and then realized it’s just the lotion she wears that i got by mistake and had left on my nightstand. and then i remembered how good our goodbye was. and how happy we both were. and how crazy i feel inside – and it didn’t matter so much that she wasn’t there because she’ll be there soon – or i’ll be with her. right now time doesn’t even seem to really exist. and that’s a wonderful feeling.
December 9th, 2002
i am so happy.
so very happy.
i spent the weekend with her and it was so wonderful. we both cried and laughed a lot – and cooked and shopped and kissed in the movie theatre and stayed in bed late and and and…sigh. i’m so happy. i don’t even know how to explain it. when we first figured things out, i was deliriously in love but whenever i left her i was devastated because i had to leave. today i’m every bit as much in love – and many many things have changed – but one change for the better was that leaving wasn’t devastating – i got out to my car and had to call her to tell her one more time how much i love her.
i can’t even begin to say what i’m feeling. i feel like i have a big stupid grin on my face. i feel like i’m 14. i don’t know when i will see her again and as horrible as that is, it can’t damper the wonder and joy i’m feeling right now.
we’re ok. we’re really ok.
and if you’re reading this, i’m wicked crazy in love with you………
December 8th, 2002