Archive for December, 2004
This feels like the end of an era, and the beginning of one.
Yesterday was my last day in my spiderhole corporate office, dealing with insurance and stupidity and corporate bullshit. Last night I drank with my friends from Aroma, celebrating Christmas and friendship and the end of my job. And today I am only a student.
This year has been filled with so much heartache, and so much joy. A friend described it as being “a good year, with some ‘stuff’”. In many ways I am still so broken, and still finding my way – but I am so much happier with the person I am this year. And that has to count for something.
And so we come to the end of all things – and the beginning. Happy 2005, dears.
December 31st, 2004
Black Velvet brewing in the kitchen, snow tumbling haphazardly through the white morning sky, stockings hung by the chimney with care. Somewhere in this house two siblings sleep, one sibling is trying his best at self-restraint to avoid the presents (though he has counted them all), and my parents are about the business of Christmas brunch. The puppy has charmed us all because her formerly upright ears have decided to flop – I said it’s a Christmas miracle!
I was going to send out a mass email, but I’ll let this suffice. Merry Christmas, friends. My love to you all.
December 25th, 2004
I am very cold, and more tired than I think I even realize. It was – an odd weekend. I’m really scatterbrained tonight, and I want to make sense of things here, but it’s just not happening. Instead, some highlights:
A Series of Unfortunate Events on Friday with Shawn – much better than I expected (feared?) – imbued with a lushness I can’t really describe.
The creepiest email I have ever received, period.
A Yule brunch at Mel’s, where I was the odd man out but had a lovely time anyway. Mimosas + cute kittens + good food + nice people = a v nice afternoon.
Carnet de Voyage, read in its entirety at work over the last two days – I can’t tell you precisely why it moved me so deeply. I wish I could.
Bar-hopping, pool, and video photo hunt with the Aroma crew – so good to just be out with friends – even if I am the worst pool player ever, I did kick some serious ass at photo hunt.
Writing $500 in checks for bills, which should bring my debt to zero (my paycheck too).
Buying preserved lemons for dinner, and being regarded as if I had a second head.
Two hours of chess with Dave – and still making more in tips during those two hours ($4 each) than Nicolette and I did during our six hour Tuesday night shift ($3.65 each).
Nearly totally melting down before dinner as things weren’t turning out right – then having the Lebanese lemon chicken from Jamie’s Kitchen turn out to be the best thing I’ve made or tasted in a long time.
I hope the winter days are treating you kindly, my dears.
December 19th, 2004
You know what I love? Those moments that are less than perfect. You know, when you lean in for a kiss but she turns her head and you get her ear instead of her cheek. When you answer the phone and the person on the other end is doing something so ridiculous and charming that you can’t help but laugh. When you’re telling a story and realize you’re boring the other person, but push on anyway because you’re having so much fun with it. I love the awkwardness, the fumbling, the ways we make ourselves ridiculous when we’re trying too hard.
That’s what I want, you know? A lifetime of trying too hard, of fumbling around, of love that’s like laughter. It doesn’t have to be perfect.
December 15th, 2004
Last night Sarah and I baked cookies and made my apartment Christmastastic. I don’t have room for a tree, so we hung my ornaments from wide blue and silver sparkly ribbons – and it makes me smile so much to see the ornaments that hung on my family’s tree back home hanging in my window – to see the pretty things I’ve collected along the way sparkling in the doorway. When we were younger, my brother used to put his stuffed shark in the Christmas tree to get “Christmas spirit.” Somehow having all these pretty things up reminds me of years past, and is making me look forward to spending the holiday with my family.
In other news, and mainly just for fun, Dave Barry speaks out about red and blue states.
December 14th, 2004
You know what I miss about being in a relationship? I miss that half-awake and half-asleep talking in bed. I miss messy hair and warm bodies and random conversations and drifting in and out of sleep.
It’s been such a good week, and I’m all aglow with possibility. Right now, though, this two-jobs business is wearing on me, and I could really use a nap.
December 10th, 2004
So you know that assistantship? The one with the in-the-works library school consortium? The one working with people I know to be fun and cool? The one that will be both challenging and rewarding and will look very, very good on a CV? The one that pays more than my soul-sucking spider hole job? You know, that one?
I got it.
December 8th, 2004